When I texted a family member to share that I had started developing Pluck, an AI software aimed at helping reduce compulsive hair pulling during online activities, I expressed my determination: "I am going to beat [trichotillomania]." This competitive language was deeply ingrained in me from my upbringing as an athlete, where every match was about beating over an opponent, whether on the tennis court or volleyball court.
The family member I texted was my aunt, Dr. Kim D’Eramo, a board-certified mind-body healing physician. After reading my message, she called me to offer a perspective that shifted my entire approach. She explained that while my competitive mindset was natural, it was framing my journey with trichotillomania as a battle, something to conquer with sheer willpower and determination. In this mindset of competition, there was little room for understanding the deeper messages my body might be sending through the pulling.
A New Lens
Dr. Kim's philosophy revolves around the idea that "awareness is a superpower." She encouraged me to pay attention to the language I used when discussing my condition. Saying, "I am going to beat this," was laden with stress, resistance, and judgment—emotions that often fuel the urge to pull. Instead, she gently suggested a subtle but profound change: "I am going to resolve trichotillomania."
This simple alteration shifted the entire energy of my approach. "Resolve" conveyed a sense of peace, release, and self-love. It signaled a willingness to engage with trichotillomania not as an adversary to defeat, but as a part of myself deserving of compassion and attention. It was about hearing its messages rather than suppressing them.
Messages from Trichotillomania
I tapped into listening to the messages my body was trying to send me when pulling by first becoming aware of the situations that were causing me to pull. Sometimes it was when I was talking on the phone with someone while procrastinating doing work. Other times it was when scrolling through Instagram reels when I should’ve started winding down for bed. I would pull when writing in bed or I would pull when I was thinking through an important decision.
When looking into the above contexts, it became clear that trichotillomania was not always trying to be this incessant and pesky stressor. In some cases it was my body knowing deep down I was doing something that I shouldn’t be doing, like late night doom scrolling. In other cases, it was helping me concentrate deeply on a task, such as writing or making an important decision.
Taking Action on the Messages
Once I began to speak the language of my trichotillomania, I began to understand that it wasn't merely a behavior to suppress or eliminate, but rather a form of communication from my body that demanded attention and understanding. Armed with this awareness, I started taking proactive steps to address the underlying triggers and messages behind my trichotillomania.
For instance, when I noticed myself pulling during phone conversations while avoiding work, I began implementing structured breaks and setting clear boundaries around work time. This not only reduced the urge to pull but also improved my focus and productivity. Similarly, recognizing that late-night scrolling was a trigger, I established a bedtime routine that included relaxation techniques and minimized screen time before sleep. This helped me unwind without succumbing to the urge to pull. When I found myself pulling while writing or deliberating over decisions, I learned to acknowledge that my body was signaling a need for focused attention. I practiced mindfulness and allowed myself the time and space to work through challenges when working methodically.
Resolving Trichotillomania
By responding to these signals with compassion and thoughtful action, I gradually shifted from viewing trichotillomania as a battle to win against, to an opportunity for deeper self-awareness and growth. This shift in perspective not only transformed my relationship with the condition but also empowered me to approach healing with patience and kindness towards myself. This laid the foundation for a more holistic and compassionate approach to “resolving” trichotillomania.
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