Anyone with trichotillomania has been there… we look a little too close at ourselves in the mirror and we see it…. that dreaded eyelash, eyebrow or scalp hair that is so out of place that we can’t relax. It may be sticking straight up, curved to the side or even straight down. Whatever it is, the urge to pull builds up inside, and our brain tells us that it won’t go away until we get that hair out!
And that feeling when we finally pluck out that bothersome hair—it's a mix of relief and satisfaction, almost like a tiny victory. For a brief moment, everything feels right again. But then a few seconds later, we're left with that familiar wave of regret and disappointment. Did we just undo weeks of progress? Will anyone notice the gap we've created?
Perfectionism and Trichotillomania
Once I heard trichotillomania relating to perfectionism this phenomena all made sense. Pulling is not always directly linked to feelings of stress or boredom. It’s a perfectionist tendency when I look at my lashes or eyebrows in the mirror, I need them to be all perfectly in place, lined up all facing the proper direction. The discomfort that builds when they are astray becomes too much to bear that pulling seems like the only option, but it's not.
It's been seen all over Facebook and Reddit Support Groups for trichotillomania that it is recommended to “sit with the feeling” of wanting to pull. To not immediately follow the automatic response your body has to want to pull. People with trichotillomania know this is way easier said than done, but this one mindset shift has helped me lean into this strategy… get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
In our modern society, we are extremely lucky to feel comfortable the majority of the time. We have heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer, temperature controlled showers and even drinking water. Our physical bodies are often pretty taken care of to the point where we are not used to feeling such drastic shifts to discomfort that the urge to pull can create.
When the urge to pull arises, part of the reason we want to pull so badly is to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling and get back to our natural state of feeling balanced. However, next time this happens, experiment with trying this:
APC Strategy
Awareness: Take note of the situation that just triggered you to want to pull. Is there anything about the situation that you can tell your body is telling you to change? Have you been scrolling social media for too long? Are you procrastinating doing work? Whatever it is, notice the discomfort rising.
Pause: This is where the discomfort will crescendo, with your body wondering why you are not responding to the stimulus with your normal urge to pull. What helps me the most is not to just sit there and think about how uncomfortable I am by not pulling. Instead, I think of discomfort's polar opposite, comfort. I think about all the things that make me feel balanced and peaceful, like a warm bed with lots of blankets. Let all the feelings of gratitude for whatever makes you comfy fill you up before you move on to the last step.
Choice: At this point, you’ve grounded yourself in the present moment, realizing what caused the urge to pull. You’ve also cultivated warm and fuzzy thoughts of what makes you feel relaxed and balanced. Now is the time where you can give yourself a pat on the back that you just disrupted your body’s natural response to pull. You’ve raised enough awareness to break the automatic cycle, and now you make the choice. Is this an urge that you can lay to rest, or is it too much and the hair must come out? Whatever you choose, remember to love yourself and release any self judgment. You are on your way to healing.
None of this is to be said without acknowledging that the discomfort felt from an urge to pull can be completely all consuming. There are times when just sitting with the feeling can become too much when beginning to heal from trichotillomania and the pull is nearly impossible to stop. However, if this mindset shift can even help bring awareness and ease the urge to pull even just one lash, eyebrow or scalp hair then you just saved that hair from having to begin yet another lengthy growth cycle.
Each moment you resist the urge to pull, you're nurturing your ability to cope with discomfort and reclaiming control over your actions and emotions. The chrome extension Pluck aims to help facilitate the awareness, pause and choice. When it detects that you are pulling when online, it will send you a pop-up screen, with a replacement behavior and an affirmation to reinforce the new behavior. When looking at the pop-up screen, you can take note of the situation that caused the pulling, pause as long as you need to, then make the choice of what feels right for you. All that matters in the process is that you are making progress to know yourself and your body better.
Click here to learn more about Pluck to see if it may be right for you!
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