“What are you most grateful for by having trichotillomania?”
I was recently asked this question when preparing for Barbara Lally’s podcast, “Trich Talks,” and at first, had no idea how to answer it. I’d never thought about what I could be grateful about for having a condition that made me want to pull my eyebrows and eyelashes out.
Then once I started thinking about trichotillomania from a lens of gratitude, more and more to be grateful for became apparent. Plus there are even studies that suggest that practicing gratitude gives an immediate 10% increase in happiness. Who doesn’t want that? Each answer came with more and more meaning and depth.
Number 1: Makeup
My first answer was about the cosmetics industry. I thought about how grateful I am for great makeup products that have allowed me to be able to cover up any gaps that may be noticeable to the general public. EcoBrow Eyebrow Wax, Cover Girl Liquid Eyeliner, and Lancome Eyeliner Pencils have been my go-tos any time after a big pulling session. Grande Lash Serum has also been able to assist the regrowth process.
Number 2: Kindness
As I was thinking about these makeup products, I thought back to the woman in a boutique who educated me on each of these 3 years ago and taught me how to apply them. That day was the first time ever that I took off all of my makeup in front of a stranger. I had braced myself for looks of disgust or judgment, but instead, she treated me with love and kindness in my most vulnerable state.
This led me to think about all of the times that I made myself vulnerable by telling a close family member or friend that I had trichotillomania. I would do a giant prelude into the conversation, saying how I never tell people about this, and how it's my biggest secret. I would sheepishly tell them all about trichotillomania, and how the eyebrows they have been looking at for months or years are drawn on by me everyday. However, instead of judging, I would be shocked when they’re first reaction was to compliment my makeup skills.
Number 3: Inspiration
Because of all the love I received from telling friends and family about trichotillomania, that unknowingly allowed the opportunity for the idea of Pluck to be conceived. I thought of the idea for Pluck after studying in the library for finals, and pulled the majority of my eyelashes and eyebrows out. I got in the car with my boyfriend afterwards feeling defeated and complaining about the whole session. Since he already knew that I had trichotillomania, we began to talk about what could be done in the future to lessen pulling, and then the lightbulb moment for Pluck struck.
Number 4: Community
As I began to build Pluck, I started to find online communities, like Facebook Groups, Instagram Pages and Reddit boards, where I began to post about it. I became grateful to have had this idea lead me to so many people that were experiencing all these emotions and behaviors that I thought had been unique to me for years. I learned that 1 in 50 people have trichotillomania, and I felt immense gratitude that so many people were open to the idea of Pluck. I started the waitlist while it began to be developed, and every single sign up made me do a happy dance.
Now preparing to launch the BETA test of Pluck, I’ve gotten to the point when people ask me what I do fresh out of college, I tell them about it. Within the first couple seconds of meeting or reconnecting with people, they learn the secret about me that used to take me months and years to tell people. With every single person I tell about Pluck, the idea is met with excitement that I was able to take this condition that has chipped away at some confidence for years, and turn it into an idea that could help people like me around the world.
While I thought the above was the final answer to what I’m grateful about for having trichotillomania, after continuing to think about it, I had a major AH-HA moment. In all of these instances, I was seen and loved for me- from the woman at the boutique, to my friends and family, to people in online trichotillomania communities. Then the deepest reason for why I am grateful for trichotillomania surfaced…
Number 5: Unconditional Love
Trichotillomania has given me the opportunity to feel unconditional love from so many people. People loved me and treated me the same whether I had a full, luscious set of eyebrows and eyelashes, whether I was wearing all the makeup I could to cover the gaps, or whether I had no makeup on whatsoever. When my friends and family say, “I love you no matter what,” trichotillomania has shown me evidence to believe them. I feel seen for who I am, not what I look like.
I’m building Pluck to incorporate the unconditional love that others have shown me and to ensure that I continually give it to myself. To ensure this, when the AI webcam detects you’re pulling, whether or not you pull, you will see a positive affirmation on each pop-up screen to ensure you are being kind to yourself.
Once I began to look at trichotillomania from a lens of gratitude, it was amazing to see how each idea would lead into even more to be grateful for. Trichotillomania has deepened my relationships and allowed me to appreciate unconditional love. I have the opportunity to see my strength in vulnerability and the power of acceptance, reminding me that true connection transcends physical appearance.